90s Showboat

90s Showboat Closed for Business

Please see The Showboat for all your Showboating needs.

ROCK VALUES: Luna

I caught Luna on their farewell tour at the El Rey Friday night. The band played between 10:15 and 11:58, for a total running time of 1 hour, 43 minutes. The total charge on Ticketmaster was $31.50. Therefore, it cost approximately 31 cents a minute to watch Luna. Good value!

Disclaimer: I took college algebra twice, so any figures on this page should be regarded as estimates, and used for entertainment purposes only.

Best Scottish Band Evar?

The BBC released a list of the ten greatest Scottish bands of all time. Let's go down the list.

#1 - Belle and Sebastian
I don't know who Belle is, but if the Sebastian is close personal Showboat friend Sebastian Bach, then I can understand their ranking on the list, but not their place at number one.

#2 - Travis
The song "Tied to the 90s" off this band's 1997 album Good Feeling could be the 90s Showboat's theme song, if that honor wasn't already taken by Color Me Badd's 1991 ballad "I Wanna Sex You Up".

#3 - Idlewild
No clue.

#4 - Wet Wet Wet
Sucks sucks sucks.

#5 - Sensational Alex Harvey Band
It was really wrong for Mr. Harvey to get his friends to stuff the ballot boxes. For shame.

#6 - Simple Minds
Since our sister site the 80s Catamaran was shut down, I feel it best not to comment on such topics.

#7 - Teenage Fan Club
In the early 90s my older brother listened to a tape of Bandwagonesque quite frequently.

#8 - Bay City Rollers
I'll leave this for the 70s Schooner to comment on.

#9 - Primal Scream
There was a time in the early 90s when you couldn't walk a block without seeing a Black Crowes lunchbox, t-shirt, beer coozie, or action figure. In 1994 Primal Scream released an album called Give Out But Don't Give Up, which was a transparent attempt to cash in on the Black Crowes mania that was sweeping the nation. No one cared. Now their music sounds like the stuff Chris Cunningham would make videos for.

#10 - The Proclaimers
Having made their mark on America with the 1993 Oscarbait retarded-people-in-love epic Benny & Joon, The Proclaimers are what we like to see here on the Showboat. Quickly digested and easily cast off, like the Blind Melon Bee Girl, or Clear Pepsi.

We at the 90s Showboat would like to declare The Proclaimers the GREATEST 90s SCOTTISH BAND EVAR!!!!!!!!! Congrats boys, and yes, I would like fries with that.

BBC article via Fark

All Hail Mungo Mel

Megan of Overeducated and Underemployed today reported on Mel Gibson's purchase of a private island in Fiji. Mago (pronuounced "Mungo") was bought by Gibson for $15 million dollars. Here's what $15 million gets you:

Natural and abundant pure artesian spring water

400 head of cattle, 16 horses, 300 goats, pigs, and other domestic and non-domesticated animals

An abundance of mango, papaya, grapefruit, etc.

A complete village with 35 people!

Ample space for a Thunderdome

A beach to reenact "Footprints in the Sand"

Congrats, Mungo Mel! We hope one day the Showboat can find safe harbor on Mago. We'll bring the boogie boards!!

"Don't you see, Murtaugh, when there was one set of footprints, that's when I was carrying you. And dislocating my shoulder to escape from a straight jacket."

Showboat's Favorite Things

Like our good friend Oprah, the 90s Showboat wants to provide you with our exclusive guide to the best and brightest of things to buy this holiday season. I give you... The 90s Showboat's Favorite Things!

Renegade: Season One
Finally rescued from the wasteland of syndicated action shows, is the Lorenzo Llamas mullet pageant known as Renegade. Between 1992 and 1997, the syndicated world thrilled to the adventures of Reno Raines, a man wrongfully accused of a crime he didn't commit. He traveled the countryside with his native american partner Bobby Sixkiller on the trail of real killer "Dutch" Dixon (creator, writer, producer Stephen J. Cannell). This six-disc set from Anchor Bay Entertainment costs just under $40, and will likely include behind the scenes features on avoiding helmet hair and saddle sores.

Bojangles Season Salt
Tastes great on fries! Ain't nothing finer. With MSG! Four 2.75 oz containers for $7.00. Available online at Bojangles.com

Virginity Insurance
The fine folks at Think Geek offer a line of t-shirts that will guarantee that you won't get laid outside of a techincal college or Babylon 5 convention. Prices run from $14.99 up, and are available in sizes ranging from small ("The Skinny Puke") to XXXL ("The Everquest Shut-In").

"Homewrecker" by Wires on Fire
Speaking of virgins, check out the debut EP that deflowered the young men of Wires on Fire. It's available now on the BuddyHead online store or in discriminating record shops.

More of the 90s Showboat's Favorite Things to come!

November surprise

In the summer of 1996, Nicolas Cage starred in the Connery kickass explosion and stabbing bonanza that is The Rock. He followed it up the next year with Face/Off, but his nineties juice seemed to fade with that summer's "Oz" on an airplane movie, Con Air. Even Dave Chappelle getting run over by a plane and the writer of Kangaroo Jack (aka K-Jack) couldn't help. By the year 2000, Cage's Rock juice had all but run out due to films like Gone in 60 Seconds and Family Man. Discounting Adaptation and Matchstick Men, which returned Cage to his roots of offbeat films, Cage's career as a mainstream action star appeared to be over, thankfully. And now, National Treasure (or, Nat-Treash for those in the know) is number one at the box office. I admit, I haven't actually seen this film. The trailer made it look like a cross between Three Ninjas and Taxi. Thanks to a coalition of red state voters and Davinci Code fetishists, Nat-Treash managed to take in an estimated $35 million at the box office this weekend. I have a feeling once Nat-Treash makes it overseas, the terrorists are going to have one more reason to hate our freedom.

Diebold

Found these rejected Diebold ad campaigns online.

Silver kitten linings (post-election wrap-up)

If you're like me, you're a little unhappy about the election results. And if you're like me, these pictures will turn your frown upside down! (Instructions: print, cut, place next to "Dilbert" or "Cathy" comic in your cubicle.)